you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
