Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my mouth tastes like poor choices
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
