Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
