You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
