am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
