Already got asked if we're dating
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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