Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
