party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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