Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
