What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need to sanitize my soul.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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