Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
