I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
