We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Someone came in the potted fern
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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