youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
