before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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