I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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