He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
