we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
