I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
