I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
