Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
