hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
