i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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