my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
