getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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