if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
