So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
