hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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