Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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