Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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