Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
