drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
