break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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