didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
