So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
