well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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