dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
