My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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