Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
