It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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