i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
