I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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