I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
