My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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