I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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