they need to just BURY HIM!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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