So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
