im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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