around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
