then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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