So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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