Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
